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You Better Not Cry

Stories for Christmas

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You Better Not Cry

By: Augusten Burroughs
Narrated by: Augusten Burroughs
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£5.99/mo after 3 months. Offer ends on 5 July 2026 at 11:59 BST. Cancel monthly.

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You've eaten too much candy at Christmas…but have you ever eaten the face off a six-footstuffed Santa? You've seen gingerbread houses…but have you ever made your own gingerbread tenement? You've woken up with a hangover…but have you ever woken up next to Kris Kringle himself? Augusten Burroughs has, and in this caustically funny, nostalgic, poignant, and moving collection he recounts Christmases past and present—as only he could. With gimleteyed wit and illuminated prose, Augusten shows how the holidays bring out the worst in us and sometimes, just sometimes, the very, very best.

Art & Literature Authors Winter Christmas Funny
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Critic reviews

“[Burroughs] matches fine perceptive writing with heartfelt, note-[erfect narrating, achieving an emotional power few audiobooks can match. Burrough's life can be a wild ride, and his reading can match it, but it's a ride worth taking.” —AudioFile, Earphones Award Winner

“Burroughs reads with such ease and candor he seems more old friend than narrator. With his crisp diction, smooth delivery, and relentlessly funny material, Burroughs could easily have a new career as a performer, but for now, listeners can give thanks for this early Christmas present.” —Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

“In his trademark wit and self-deprecating humor, author Augusten Burroughs compiles his favorite Christmas memories in his new book, You Better Not Cry.” —VanityFair.com

“Burroughs has the sort of distinct voice that lends his stories a memorable charm.” —CreativeLoafing.com

“...He [Burroughs] takes listeners on a rollicking, personal chronological tour of some of his more memorable Christmases...this is laugh-out-loud stuff that nevertheless, with genuine warmth and sensitivity, pays homage to the spirit of giving for which the holiday season is known.” —Sound Commentary

“This most candid of memorists evokes poignancy and a kind of subversive nostalgia, spiked with flaws and good intentions.” —BookPage

“He [Burroughs] matches fine perceptive writing with heartfelt, note-perfect narrating, achieving an emotional power few audiobooks can match. Burroughs's life can be a wild ride, and his reading can match it, but it's a ride worth taking.” —AudioFile magazine, Earphones Award Winner

“Burroughs' stories about Christmas memories alternate between loopy and hilarious and poignant and heartfelt. Burroughs matches his reading style to each story superbly.” —Audiopolis, a blog from AudioFile

All stars
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So I love this author and have all his books. However this was such a disappointment. What is going on with his reading of this?. His syntax is all over the place and his phrasing of his own words make this disjointed and hard to follow. There are some good stories in this book but his reading makes it difficult to follow. I have assumed he was high whilst reading. I might be wrong but I'd love an explanation as to why he felt the need to speak so affectedly. I'm just grateful that this wasn't the first audio book I listened to or I would never have listened to another one and missed out.

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I always prefer it when authors, especially my favourites, read their own works, so I was surprised at how badly this was read. There's no natural flow, which is sad, because the stories are genuinely entertaining and the author's voice is pleasant. It was as if the entire book was broken down into haiku form and then read as such.

Buy the book, skip the audiobook.

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