The Rizz Minister Has Been Getting it On!

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The Rizz Minister Has Been Getting it On!

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This week on the Autocratic Despair podcast — a comedy about fascism, autocracy, and trying to have fun while the country falls apart — Nick opens at a seven on the despair scale after walking through the tailgate scene at Lambeau Field during two sold-out Luke Combs concerts. 80,000 people across two nights at his hometown stadium, and Nick didn't go — not because of the music, but because of what a massive country music crowd in the Midwest represents in 2026. He assumed Combs was a MAGA enthusiast. Turns out he was wrong: Combs describes himself as "heavily moderate," skipped Trump's 2020 Fourth of July concert, apologized for appearing with a Confederate flag, and performed with Tracy Chapman at the Grammys. His own right-wing fans tried to cancel him for saying he's not a racist. Nick sits with the uncomfortable realization that he's now giving a man credit for simply not being a fascist, and that this is where the bar is. He calls it "Schrödinger's fascist" — an artist who stays ambiguous enough that both sides can project whatever they want onto him. The ratchet effect: when declining to endorse authoritarianism qualifies as courage, the autocrats have already won something important.Craig opens at a five — his highest ever — because the President of the United States just created a $1.776 billion taxpayer-funded "Anti-Weaponization Fund" by suing the IRS for $10 billion, then withdrawing the suit before the judge could throw it out, and settling with his own Justice Department. The money will compensate allies who claim they were wrongly targeted under the Biden administration — including potentially the 1,600 January 6 defendants Trump already pardoned. Craig points out that this directly violates the 14th Amendment, which prohibits the United States from spending money on anyone who has committed treason against it. The amendment was written for the Confederacy. It applies now. Nick predicts that the slush fund will result in a wave of Cybertruck purchases, fentanyl overdoses, and Ski-Doos — because nothing is funnier or more tragic than when absolute fuck-ups get an extra $30,000 in their bank accounts. It's the commedia of autocracy: the regime rewards its foot soldiers and the foot soldiers immediately blow the money on stupid shit.A Prairieland update: the nine defendants convicted of federal terrorism charges for attending a noise protest outside an ICE detention center called Prairieland in Alvarado, Texas on July 4th, 2025 remain in custody. They brought fireworks because it was the Fourth of July. They wanted the people locked inside a concentration camp to know they hadn't been forgotten. The government charged them with conspiracy to use explosives and material support for terrorism. Judge Pittman denied all post-trial motions. The Johnson County DA's office has 20 terabytes of state-level discovery evidence and has turned over none of it as the one-year anniversary of the arrests approaches. Sentencing is scheduled for June 18. Nick reads the names. We read them because someone should.In Talarico Talk, the Tallywhacker went on a podcast and revealed he has a girlfriend and has had one for four years. She was his Chief of Staff. She left the office before they got together. Nick has concerns about the timeline and the lack of a ring. "You cannot be shoplifting the pooty, James." The conversation widens into an honest assessment of the 2028 Democratic landscape, including Craig's dream ticket of Ocasio-Cortez and Talarico, Nick's blunt counter that America hates women too much to elect AOC, Craig's prediction that the first female president will be a Republican, and Nick's observation that Wisconsin's governor's race — where progressive candidate Francesca Hong's supporters may stay home rather than vote for a moderate if she loses the primary — is a preview of what will happen nationally if AOC runs. It's not fun to acknowledge, but this show has never been about telling you what's fun to hear. It's about telling you what's true.Also this week: the debut of "Dr. Craig Is Fun at Parties," a new segment in which Nick gives Craig an innocuous term and Craig connects it to fascism in under two moves. This week's term: circus peanuts. Craig gets there via "Entrance of the Gladiators" — a fascist march before it was a clown song — and via bread and circuses, the Roman authoritarian crowd-control technique now manifested as $1.776 billion for fascist thugs and MMA fights in the Rose Garden. Nick thought circus peanuts would stump him. Nick was wrong. The autocrat always finds a way into the circus.Craig also provides a primer on Christian nationalism in response to the Rededicate 250 event on the National Mall, where the Speaker of the House led a nine-hour government-sponsored prayer service to "rededicate America to God" — the same weekend the administration created a $1.776 billion loyalty fund named after the founding year. Christianity, patriotism, and the ...

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