What happens when an architect's structured world collides with the freedom of art—and grief becomes the bridge between them? In episode 268, Ksenia Merck shares how illustrating Ghost Flower, the novel her late husband Bill left behind, turned heartbreak into a sweeping collaboration of love, art, and legacy. For Ksenia, the journey wasn't about letting go—it was about discovering that connection, like the cosmos she paints, simply continues.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

(03:58) Ksenia's warm welcome and the story behind Ghost Flower

(04:19) How she balances two worlds: architecture and art

(05:29) The origin of Ghost Flower's cover and Bill's final days

(09:07) Sketching the cosmos: bringing the novel's imagery to life

(11:00) Creating The Ghost Flower Companion Journal

(12:43) Remembering Bill: her "twin flame" and exceptional soul

(17:51) Finding cosmic wonder in the night sky

(19:39) Art as liberation: healing through creative freedom

(22:38) Layered loss: navigating grief at her own pace

(24:52) A mini life review: recording Bill's books and writing her own

Ksenia J. Merck is an artist, architect, and creative storyteller whose work bridges structure, imagination, and spirit. After four decades managing airport capital programs, she turned to art after the unexpected passing of her husband, William F. Merck II, illustrating and posthumously publishing his science fiction novel, Ghost Flower, and later creating its companion journal. Drawing on her travels, marriage, and fascination with the cosmos, her work explores connection, resilience, and the continuum between life and loss. Originally from Arizona and now in Florida, she shares her story of grief, healing, and creative reinvention.

In this episode, Ksenia opens up about the dual nature of her life — decades in the structured world of architecture, set against the liberating world of art. She shares how illustrating Ghost Flower became both a tribute to Bill and a path through grief, describing the immersive process of sketching the novel's imagery and how those sketches led to The Ghost Flower Companion Journal. She speaks tenderly about Bill as her "twin flame" and a compassionate leader, and about layered loss — her mother, her father, and then Bill — admitting to "blowout" days while coming to believe grief isn't an ending but a continuum she still feels connected to. She closes by sharing she's recording audiobooks of Bill's books, writing her own story, and points listeners to her website and Instagram.

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What happens when a cancer diagnosis turns out to be the beginning of a mission, not the end of a story? In episode 267 of Joy Found Here, Tim McDonald shares how a stage IV colorectal cancer diagnosis in 2020 led him through chemo, a search for a living liver donor, and ultimately a transplant that changed everything—and how that journey turned him into a research advocate, author, and podcast host fighting to make sure others don't face the same battle alone. For Tim, the story isn't about just surviving—it's about becoming his own best advocate and using that power to help others do the same.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

03:29) Tim's cancer journey begins: symptoms and a Thanksgiving breaking point

(08:48) Diagnosis day: "you have cancer" and the confirming colonoscopy

(09:48) Finding a liver transplant option after being ruled out for surgery

(14:07) Why colorectal cancer research funding is missing—and who it's costing

(14:55) Finding purpose within days: from "why me" to advocacy

(18:33) The mindfulness that shaped his calm response to diagnosis

(21:55) His wife's caregiving journey and the trip that tested their fear

(28:47) Writing From Patient to Advocate as a guidebook, not a memoir

(31:39) Becoming "coach" of his care team—and firing the wrong doctors

(42:14) Pushing for bipartisan funding and what's next for advocacy

Tim McDonald is a stage IV colorectal cancer survivor and liver transplant recipient who turned his 2020 diagnosis into a mission of patient advocacy. He's a Research Advocate with Fight Colorectal Cancer and Florida Chapter Leader for Man Up to Cancer, and serves on patient advisory councils with HOPA and the PAN Foundation. He hosts the Advocacy at Work podcast and Substack and is the author of From Patient to Advocate: Turning Survivorship into Impact. He lives in the Tampa Bay area with his wife.

In this episode, Tim McDonald shares his journey from a 2020 stage IV diagnosis with liver metastases through chemo and a liver transplant from an altruistic living donor after a 14-month search. He reflects on integrating mind and body in his treatment, the toll and growth in his wife's caregiving role, and his shift to becoming the "coach" of his own care team — switching oncologists and pursuing options doctors initially dismissed. He also discusses his advocacy work pushing for dedicated colorectal cancer research funding in DC, his podcast and Substack spotlighting other patient advocates, and his new book.

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Book: Tim McDonald - From Patient to Advocate

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What if the quiet feeling that you're not enough isn't a character flaw — but something your nervous system learned long ago just to keep you safe? In episode 266 of Joy Found Here, psychotherapist and author Kristine B. Jensen unpacks one of the most misunderstood and under-named emotions we carry: shame — and how the stories we've been telling ourselves for decades may finally be ready to be set free.

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

(4:45) Kristine's decades as a psychotherapist couldn't shake her own unnamed inner struggle

(6:27) Retiring forced her to face herself — and what that revealed

(9:53) The moment she named her feeling as shame for the first time

(13:00) Shame as a survival instinct — and why we never choose it

(15:42) Where "shame speak" comes from and why it once protected us

(19:33) How childhood emotional nourishment shapes our nervous system and self-worth

(29:23) The client who sparked a book that almost didn't get written

(32:55) Compassion for our younger selves and seeing our parents differently

(35:23) Forgiveness as an inside job — and the freedom it brings

(44:48) First steps: self-talk awareness, journaling, and breaking the cycle of old stories

Kristine B. Jensen is a speaker, author, and licensed psychotherapist with over four decades of experience helping people understand the hidden roots of self-doubt. She reframes shame not as a personal flaw but as a survival response — and knows this territory from the inside out. She is the author of Bruised Not Broken: Healing the Shame of a Troubled Childhood.

In this episode, Kristine shares how — despite decades as a successful psychotherapist — she carried a feeling she couldn't name until retirement forced her to sit with herself and she finally identified it as shame. She explains that shame is not a character flaw but a survival instinct the nervous system triggers automatically, often rooted in childhoods where feelings didn't matter or approval had to be earned. Healing, she offers, means speaking to our younger selves with compassion, doing the work of forgiveness as an inside job, and noticing our self-talk — because what's waiting on the other side is freedom.

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Book: Kristine B. Jensen - Bruised Not Broken

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