In this episode, Kelly Oliver Dougall is joined by Vanessa Cushing, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and private practice owner, to unpack the complex realities of intimacy, desire, and betrayal.

Vanessa busts common misconceptions about sex therapy and dives into "desire discrepancy"—explaining how couples get stuck in a multi-year blame cycle and how to move back into a team approach.

We also explore the heavy reality of betrayal trauma and affairs. Vanessa shares a surprising statistic: around 80% of couples actually stay together after an affair by making meaning out of the trauma and addressing the disconnection that happened before the betrayal.

Finally, Kelly and Vanessa discuss the specific, often catastrophic dynamics faced by trans widows, including the devastating impact of coercive control, manipulation, and shifting power dynamics within relationships. Turn on notifications so you never miss an episode filled with deep therapeutic insights, reframing perspectives, and the messy but necessary work of "weeding the garden" of our minds.

Vanessa is a certified sex therapist licensed in Washington DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Florida. She is also the founder of sextherapypro.ai, an anonymous, custom LLM platform designed to make expert sexual health guidance accessible and affordable. Use code founder VC for a free month.

Hello everyone. I wanted to share a quick update to let you know what's been going on with me this week, why I haven't been online, and where things stand with my health and my ongoing small claims case.

In this video, I talk about:

• Health & Fatigue: Dealing with low B12, a recent fall in the street, and why I am having to pace myself and adjust my diary right now.

• The Small Claims Case: We are currently waiting for a hearing date. I explain the reality behind their "public protection" defence and why their refusal to hand over my Subject Access Request (SAR) data doesn't hold up, especially since the complaints did not even meet their own threshold for investigation.

• Online Backlash & Free Speech: Addressing the ongoing targeting from activists on Instagram and the Counselling Directory, and why it is vital to stand up for our protected beliefs and professional rights.

It is business as usual, but things are moving a little slower than normal while I recover, so please bear with me if I am slow to reply to messages and comments. Thank you all so much for your continued support—it means the world. Let me know how you are all doing in the comments below!

What happens when a straight woman is told her male partner of several years is transitioning—but that "nothing has to change"?

In this video, I react to a heartbreaking and incredibly common scenario shared on Reddit: a 31-year-old woman struggling to navigate her partner's transition while facing intense online pressure to redefine her own sexuality and accept a sexless, platonic marriage just to be supportive.

As a counselor and a sex realist, I break down why you are NOT a bigot for experiencing profound, ambiguous loss, why your boundaries matter, and why you cannot be forced to erase your own natural orientation.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Have you been put in a position where you were told your feelings and sexual orientation didn't matter?

💬 NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS? If you are navigating a partner's transition, walking on eggshells at home, and need a therapist who knows what a woman actually is—without the gaslighting—let’s connect.

👉 Book a Free 20-Minute Consultation: https://www.kellyoliverdougall.co.uk