“I joined a church in my early 20s that I was in for over a decade and they became like a surrogate family to me. They did everything for me. They were there for me through so many things including my daughter being ill & my house burning down. And then I told them I was a lesbian & I never heard from them again.”

The intersection of religion & sexuality is a complex topic for many people in the LGBTQ+ community as this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ is too aware.

SC Nealy (they/she) is a Washington DC based therapist and Founding Director of the LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative. They’re also a best-selling author of 30+ fiction books yet their new book ‘Healing Sacred Wounds - A Guide for Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma’ is a huge departure from their regular offering. Having specialised in this alongside complex PDST & LGBTQIA+ mental health, SC brings this book to life as part self-help guide, part bio enriched with expertise & life experience written to wrap its arms around anyone who has endured emotional wounds, trauma, and spiritual hurt that come from negative religious experience.

Little SC was raised in a pseudo-cult area in Southern Virginia and describes it as ‘very much what you would stereotypically think of when you think of a cult’ - conservative, evangelical & controlled. SC’s upbringing was beyond tough - they were sexually abused by someone in power, had their sexuality debated before they even had the language to understand it, blamed for their parents divorce and kicked out of home at just 13 years old. More than any young person should bear.

SC didn’t think they’d make it to 18 years old and when I ask them what kept them here, they reply “Honestly, anger for a long time. A refusal to give up. And spite maybe. Like, you’re not gonna get one over on me.” As the opening statement suggests, this wasn’t the end of SC’s mistreatment at the hands of religion.

However, whilst SC’s origin story is very much rooted in religious trauma, today they’re living a very queer life with a beautiful blended family & community around them. We discuss parenting, including SC wanting their daughter to grow up to challenge authority, and how they’re a bad employee but a really great boss. We also discuss conquering FOMO and SC’s enthusiasm for chopping vegetables as they joke, “You just give me a row of peppers & great time!”

What a final episode for this season. Get stuck in…

PRE-ORDER SC’ NEW BOOK! ‘Healing Sacred Wounds, a Guide for Healing from Religious and Spiritual Trauma’ is released on 20 August and you can pre-order it now. I was lucky enough to read the book ahead of our conversation and as someone who has a tricky past with religion myself, it does what it sets out to do and I highly recommend it. As always, please order from an independent/ queer retailer if you can.

Please note | The episode contains sensitive topics around mental health, sexual abuse & violence and other potentially triggering issues so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I started looking back and thinking ‘why is it I want to be a general therapist?’ I realised it's because there was still some internalised homophobia. And I thought ‘I need to fight against this. I'm not going down this avenue. Let's do something about that’.”

Overcoming shame & embracing who we are is a huge part of why Pride Month exists and it’s a topic I dive into with Dhiren Doshi-Smith (he/they), this week’s brilliant guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. Dhiren is a counsellor, public speaker & model and was recently appointed as an ambassador for ADHD UK. He’s incredibly passionate about authenticity and his work centres this alongside neurodiversity, mental health & body image amongst other topics. Many of these close to my own heart so it was a real treat to delve into many of these during our chat as well as finding out more about Dhiren & his origin story…

Little Dhiren grew up in East Ham where his family had a shop & they were well known in the community. Dhiren describes his younger self as a ‘good Indian boy at school’ and ‘one of the geeks’ - he was quiet & reserved. He stayed that way until later in life when his mum sadly passed away and Dhiren fondly shares what he misses the most about her. It was then that he realised that life is too short and he started to address some of his shame.

Originally on a path towards a career in IT, a breakdown followed by a career break are what led to Dhiren pursuing his goal of becoming a therapist & where he found himself focusing more on inclusion. A great deal of this was shaped by his own experience too which he puts into action not just through his practice but also as a volunteer for various organisations including London Friend, Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline & QueerWell.

I could have chatted to Dhiren for hours. Other areas we cover include sex education, body confidence, the importance of community, contentment, boundaries & how these days, Dhiren says, “I’m dancing for me.”

Please note | We cover some sensitive topics in this conversation around mental health, grief & more so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

“Being proud is something that I never thought I would feel. And I'm not only proud of myself. I'm proud of everybody else that's on this journey. It takes real guts, strength and persistence.”

It’s Pride Month and this statement from the latest episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ couldn’t be more timely. James Dean (he/him) is a community facilitator, activist and pet sitter and co-leads the Not A Phase Trans+ Connect Later in Life Edition - a peer support group for Trans men & Transmasculine folk. I’ve followed James for a while on Instagram and his content is PURE JOY! This was actually our first chat and I was so excited to get into it…

Little James was a real tomboy and always up to mischief. “If you're clean, I know that you're up to something. But if you're mucky, we know you're doing your normal stuff,” his mother would say. Growing up was a ‘rough ride’ and James was bullied relentlessly leading to mental health issues, depression & self harm at a young age. James recounts a heartbreaking conversation with a teacher whereby he was unable to disclose how he was feeling as a result of Section 28 - the impact of which lives on.

When he first saw an openly Trans person on Loose Women, who James now calls a friend, he suddenly realised ‘that’s me’ and he began to manifest who he was on the inside. He’s careful to say that whilst he doesn’t use the word immediately lightly, he experienced 100% fold changes in his mental health when he started to transition.

We chat through James’ career from being a lifeguard to working in retail & later an inclusion consultant - and he shares a wonderful story about this latter experience. James originally wanted to be a vet so it’s not a surprise that he’s now a fully booked & busy pet-sitter which he loves. He cherishes the acceptance his clients have shown him as they’ve witnessed his transition.

We discuss authenticity, joy, travels with his partner, his recent Trans in the City accolade & more. Lightbulb moments crop up a number of times and each has played a role in the best adventure of his life so far - becoming James. “I want to be here as long as possible now,” says James. And so do we!

Listen in to this gorgeous conversation ASAP.

Please note | Conversations around mental health, depression, self harm & the current landscape for Trans+ people up so please take care of yourself whilst listening