Showing results by author "Simon Haynes" in All Categories

Clunk, a clapped-out robot, is convinced he's about to be junked. Instead, his penny-pinching boss is sending him off to be refurbished. Being old and wise, Clunk knows there's a catch, but at first it doesn't seem too bad. He just has to help a freelancer pick up some cargo. Unfortunately, Hal Spacejock - the freelancer - is obstinate, over-confident, and woefully under-skilled, and he's never going to let a lowly robot fly his precious ship. Is there any chance this pair of misfits can lift off, collect the cargo and deliver it in one piece?

All three books in the first Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single omnibus edition. Tasty, fire-breathing dragons. Angry sea serpents. Sea battles, land battles, assassins, and more. Get it now!

I'm Simon Haynes, and I've been writing and publishing novels and short fiction for almost 20 years. This guide contains everything I've learned about writing a novel, both as an indie and as a trade-published author. Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don't care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there's a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I've done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel.

Clunk, a clapped-out robot, is convinced he's about to be junked. Instead, his penny-pinching boss is sending him off to be refurbished. Being old and wise, Clunk knows there's a catch, but at first it doesn't seem too bad. He just has to help a freelancer pick up some cargo. Unfortunately, Hal Spacejock - the freelancer - is obstinate, over-confident, and woefully under-skilled, and he's never going to let a lowly robot fly his precious ship.

Hal Spacejock has a problem. His cargo hold is packed with expensive food, and the freezer equipment he bought from Bent Jimmy's bargain bin has just failed...exactly as Clunk predicted. Hal needs replacement parts before the cargo rots, and he's forced to abandon his precious ship at the spaceport to go looking for them. Which is a pity, because a secret agent has just decided Hal's ship will be ideal for her mission...with or without his permission.

Hal Spacejock’s cargo business is going so well he’s considering getting into passengers...especially the beautiful and mysterious Sonya Polarov. Clunk's certain she's up to something, but as usual Hal won't listen to a word he says.... Meanwhile, Rex Curtis runs the galaxy’s biggest freight company, and he’s sick of independent pilots stealing his cargo jobs. He’s determined to make a statement by destroying the biggest nuisance of them all: Hal Spacejock.

Part Man, Part Machine, All Pod. A minute by minute style review of the seminal 80s classic action movie Robocop. We dissect and talk about the various topics and themes through the movie, as well as many tangents about Star Trek and Deus Ex, and as a special bonus we compare the minute to it's 2014 remake and why it's terrible.

One man's deep dive into Steve Oedekerk's masterpiece "Kung Pow - Enter The Fist", minute by minute.

When a supply ship docks with space station Oberon, there's no hint of the crew's devious plans for the station's inhabitants. Hal Junior realizes that something is up, but he's got a reputation as a troublemaker and the adults won't listen to him. Can he defeat the bad guys with only his best mate, Stephen "Stinky" Binn, to help him? Or is the space station doomed?

Ahh, the Old Kingdom. Come and pet our angry, fire-breathing dragons. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our lovely warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves. For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday. Survival is optional, and highly unlikely. *Similarity to actual beer not guaranteed.

Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger...then run for the hills. Admire the verbal jousting and witty wordplay...or is it the other way round? Gasp as kings and queens lose their heads. "Enjoy" the groanworthy puns and suffer the slings and arrows of poorly-trained archers.

Clunk's lost his memories. He doesn't know who he is or where he came from. And there's nowhere to get a recharge. But fear not, because Clunk is resourceful and intelligent. He won't let marauding dragons, a bloodthirsty queen, and a vengeful champion get in his way. Not even the whopping great cast of minor characters all vying to become major players. But how's Clunk going to escape this medieval madness? How's Clunk going to get home?